(sigh) I’ve completely screwed up everything.
My life is a mess. Not just a quick, “10 minute tidy” mess, but a “this is going to take a lot of time and effort to clean up” mess. I won’t bore you with the details of how I got here, but suffice to say, I’m here, I have no one to blame but myself and now it’s time to get busy putting my life back together.
As of today, May 22, 2012, here is where everything stands:
HOME – A complete disaster. Looks like someone picked up my house and shook it. There is crap everywhere.
MONEY – This situation is a tragedy. A owe state and federal taxes, have a lien on my home, and am barely scraping by to make ends meet.
RELATIONSHIP – “It’s complicated” can’t even begin to describe my personal relationship with my boyfriend.
FRIENDS – Here I am still truly blessed. I have amazing, wonderful and supportive friends.
HEALTH – I have a chronic illness. 12 year of doctors and they still don’t know if I have lupus or RA. My current doc just calls it Ru-pus.
SLEEP – I’m so broke, I can’t pay back my sleep debt! I use the Sleep Cycle app to track my sleep and I’m averaging 5 hours a night.
KIDS – 2 boys. #1 Son is brilliant, motivated, and responsible. Problem is that he is now 13 and really starting to be a pain in the ass. #2 son is kind, smart, charismatic and funny. Problem is he lies about everything and would make an excellent lawyer or cult leader when he grows up.
EX-HUSBAND – Nice guy, but really not stepping up to the “dad” plate like he is capable of. It makes me sad for #1 and #2 sons.
EMPLOYMENT – I own my own business, that I have managed to tank in the last year and am now trying to revive and recover
So, now you know where I stand. I’m broke, frustrated, have a failing business and owe money here there and everywhere. It’s put me into a depression. A funk. A state of paralysis. I feel overwhelmed all the time and can’t seem to make progress on anything. And, yes, I’m on anti-depressants. No, I’m not in therapy – yet. I’m working that.
So what’s a 39 year old girl to do to get her life back on track? Well, I’m not completely sure, but I have to do something and today is day one. I’ve decided to swallow my pride, bare my situation with the world, and hope that maybe with everyone “watching” it will help motivate me to get my life back on track. Maybe, it will inspire others as well. Maybe we can all help each other. I know I’m not the only person to completely screw things up, in that I take some small comfort. I will share with you my progress, my goals, and my results as I try to get my personal and business life back in order.